I have lived a full life. Although I had a difficult childhood, I am a survivor of sorts. My brother and I held hands and made it through, and though we are miles apart, we aren’t in our hearts.
I chose to go to Bible College far from New York all the way to New Brunswick, Canada. I learned so much but found the rules hard to take. [I have this thing that if ‘rules’ don’t make common sense, it’s difficult to follow them! So I fear I spent many hours in the Dean of Women’s office!] But, I knew. I knew that I had to serve others in some way, some how. I really thought I might be “an old maid missionary in Bolivia”!). But ah, I fell in love and was married after the three years were completed. The marriage lasted 27 years…. and surely had it’s ups and downs. I served,I led, I gave, I worked really hard, I mothered two amazing children who are such beautiful adults, and I love them with all my heart. Moments passed made with enough memories to fill a trunk. I am always one to try to “make a memory”. I still ask my staff if they are making one – good or bad! I take all those memories and store them in my heart. Once in awhile, I bring some out to revisit or look at in a new light.
It’s now fifteen years after the divorce. I have grown so much and learned more about myself than I ever thought I would. You see, it’s who you choose to be. I could have curled up in a ball so many times and never stood up tall again, but I chose to do it in spite of the “feelings”. At 16 I chose what I wanted to be – kind, serving, giving & forgiving, loving God and others. Today, I still do. So in spite of the really hard times I chose…. I chose to stand again and walk on. Was it easy? Good heaven’s, no!!!! At some point in your life, you make a choice whether to cave to the pressures or the wants or even “good things” that aren’t good for you in the end. But for the most part, we can choose. Some of the choices are so tough and take mountains of work or sacrifice, but you keep the goal in mind, because you know they are the right ones for you. Even if I made a wrong choice I really tried hard to fix it, ask forgiveness or change direction.
You see, you have the power to make that choice. I truly realize that there are some of you who simply can’t because your brain won’t let you and you need meds to get you through, I’ve been there too. That mountain has been climbed and conquered in my mind and heart.
Which choice are you wrestling with? Stop, take the time to evaluate it and count the cost. Remember, you choose who you want to be.
If you need help, that’s what I do, and I am at the other end of an email. I can help you “sort”. But remember, you have the power to be wise, to be a person of integrity and so much more! What are the choices you are making today that when you look back, you can say, “That went well”, or “I made it!” Perhaps, “I went the wrong way, but I learned and knew how to turn around.” You are strong enough even to take a few baby steps in the right direction and age doesn’t count here! Find your own personal values and choices won’t be so hard. What an amazing person God made you. Don’t forget it!
You choose who you want to be!